Fear Leads to Anger
by Linda Farkas

"Fear leads to Anger.  Anger leads to Hate.  Hate leads to suffering."  So true... So true!  Think about it the next time you are fearful of a situation.  You will see it quickly turns to anger!   If the intensity is great it will quickly turn to hate, (" I hate so & so!"). Other times it will slowly turn to hate. Next comes the suffering!  I am sure everyone has suffered one time or another after having an argument with a loved one.   Master Yoda (or George Lucas) was very wise and insightful when he said this!

I can't think of a better way to describe what these children are feeling!  I think everyone would agree with me when I say these children are full of anger, hate, and suffering!  Everyone knows these children live in anger.  Yes, that means they really live in a constant state of suffering!  Which also means that the root of their anger, hatred, and suffering is really fear!  Fear from the first time they were left alone, fear from the first time they were hit, etc. 

By now their fear is everywhere and past fears are buried very deep, it will be hard to see and difficult to find as the anger protects it and keeps it safe.  It is too scary to even look at that fear! Follow Yoda's words backwards to find the fear.  Next time your child is angry, say to him/her, "I can see you are really suffering, it must be very painful." Or "You are really suffering, aren't you?" Again follow the words backwards. In time you will find the fear. 

The key to success is seeing the fear and making an environment in which his fears can be alleviated.   At that point the child will begin to calm and start recognizing his own fears.  Be careful though, you can't do it for him, you can only support him and make it safe for him to realize his fear.  They don't feel safe enough to see their fear.  Use your efforts to make him/her feel safe enough to see his/her own fears.  

Stop yourself and think, what is this child afraid of right now (fear of being wrong, fear of acceptance, fear of looking dumb, fear of being called a bad name, fear of being hurt, fear of not having his/her way etc.).

Test this out on yourself first, I believe you will find that it is true.  Think of something you are angry about, something you hate, or something you are suffering over and follow it back until you figure out what you are fearful about (fear that people won't understand, fear of acceptance, fear of not being normal, fear of failure, afraid it won't work, afraid of what will happen next, etc. etc!)   

Remember the "Nothing but Cash" story on this website?  Scared was more dangerous than mean!  In otherwords fear is the most dangerous of all. 

Think about times when something is fearful to you, your instinct tells you to stay away from whatever it is.  No one can convince you that it is ok and safe cuz inside you know it is horrid and you will get hurt.  So you avoid it at all costs. 

Now think, what could someone do when you are feeling that way to calm you down and help you see that what you are afraid of most is the fear and that the situation probably isn't as bad as you perceive it at the moment?  Whatever it is, it is going to take time and patience before you can calm down enough and build up strength to get near the situation.

At the beginning of that statement, Yoda said "Fear is the path to the dark side."  So true... So true!!!

Master Yoda said this when he refused to train Anakin, stating the boy had too much fear in him.  The entire quote goes as follows:

"Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering."

As we watch episode I and II, we see that Anakin has a tremendous amount of suffering and turmoil.  Which eventually is the path and foundation for Darth Vader.  In later episodes, it becomes obvious that Darth Vader is cold, uncaring, and evil. He ends up using the evil to cover all the pain and suffering he endured in the past.  In the last Episode, Luke finally breaks through the wall, but only right before Vader's death.

You have the power to make a new path for your child.  Look, find the fear and alleviate it and start building a new foundation and path for your child.  Otherwise the fear will lead to the dark side.