Flashbacks

[Conrad]

Yes T I call it gloom and doom thinking. I am very anal in the first place and my career needs me to be. So my mind is always thinking. usually instead of thinking of happy thoughts like normal people I always think of what could happen badly to me or others. Gloom and doom thinking...lol This is where I step in and tell myself to be happy. I have a house food and a car. I should be thinking happy thoughts! When you are told your whole life or treated like you are nothing that is how I turned out. Yes Foster home too. Mom was abusive locked in closets and so forth. But I have forgiven her. I made this decsion to forgive her about two years ago when I went back after 30 years for a visit. My foster father just came out in sept for a visit. He was a decent man except for allowing the abuse. I am still having problems accepting my mother. I think she really screwed up and I cant forgive her.... Hugs

OTMU,

"Normal" people don't automatically think happy thoughts.  Look at all the miserable wretches you encounter daily.

You're to be commended for mastering that part of yourself.

Kudos,

JD

[onmywayup]

Thanks Jd..

I have recently learned that we are able to retrain our brains. If you self talk and tell yourself you are happy over and over again. You tend to start acting happy and have happy thoughts. I believe it is working. Instead of thinking of all the terrible things in my life. I think about all the postives. It is hard at first but I think it works.

So for example when I think to my self my foster mom was abusive. I say to myself that is on her. I was a child and I am allowed to accept the bad things and move forward and forgive her and pray for her. Than I give myself a hug (not really lol) for allowing myself to move forward in my life. ))))

I personally believe retraining the brain is so important for us dealing with so many issues.....

[Conrad]

Thanks Jd..

I have recently learned that we are able to retrain our brains. If you self talk and tell yourself you are happy over and over again. You tend to start acting happy and have happy thoughts. I believe it is working. Instead of thinking of all the terrible things in my life. I think about all the postives. It is hard at first but I think it works.

So for example when I think to my self my foster mom was abusive. I say to myself that is on her. I was a child and I am allowed to accept the bad things and move forward and forgive her and pray for her. Than I give myself a hug (not really lol) for allowing myself to move forward in my life. ))))

I personally believe retraining the brain is so important for us dealing with so many issues.....

OMWU,

Through "intensive study", I've realized how often I've come to "own" the reaction of another.

It's easy to do.

We ALL want to be effective.

We have an intense interpersonal interaction with another - especially one we love or care about.

We see absolutely no change in their behavior going forward.

Frustration leads to dismay - and finally resentment.

We can poison our own wells.

JD

[onmywayup]

Most defianetly. especially if we have low self estem. We are so worried what the other person thinks. If they give you a weird look. You think did I say something wrong. Than all day you worry about what you think you might have said. I am a avoidant so I dont have to worry about others. If I dont see any one than I can be happy. This I know I have to break. I am thinking about volunteering just so I can be with people and work on this and have some fun at the same time too. It is always wonderful for Rad people to feel needed instead of being with a authority figure (job)

[Conrad]

Most defianetly. especially if we have low self estem. We are so worried what the other person thinks. If they give you a weird look. You think did I say something wrong. Than all day you worry about what you think you might have said. I am a avoidant so I dont have to worry about others. If I dont see any one than I can be happy. This I know I have to break. I am thinking about volunteering just so I can be with people and work on this and have some fun at the same time too. It is always wonderful for Rad people to feel needed instead of being with a authority figure (job)

Sometimes to feel needed in the strangest of ways.

For example to randomly help a stranger where you detect some issue with personality or character.

JD

[onmywayup]

No To be able to just help somebody! I like to know I am needed. But why not work on yourself at the same time. Efficient lol It would be a idea world if the volunteer coordinator had the personality I cant deal with. Than I could I figure this out along with my therapist..

[Conrad]

No To be able to just help somebody! I like to know I am needed. But why not work on yourself at the same time. Efficient lol It would be a idea world if the volunteer coordinator had the personality I cant deal with. Than I could I figure this out along with my therapist..

Because working on yourself is painful.

Introspection is painful.

Life is difficult.

We live in a culture of denial.  We yearn for the quick fix.

Yet, the baby steps required to build we simply do not trust.

JD

[Peace, Love and Pretzels]

dear onmy:  I think that those of us who like to help others (even when ourselves are screaming to be fixed), do so in order to deflect the pain we feel by feeding it with the good that we get out of helping others.  It works for a long time.  I think it is our bodies mechanism for helping us not have to delve into our own pain because it knows that is a much bigger battle. 

I will let you know when I can function properly again whether that battle was worth it to me or not....

[chris]

dear onmy:  I think that those of us who like to help others (even when ourselves are screaming to be fixed), do so in order to deflect the pain we feel by feeding it with the good that we get out of helping others.  It works for a long time.  I think it is our bodies mechanism for helping us not have to delve into our own pain because it knows that is a much bigger battle. 

I will let you know when I can function properly again whether that battle was worth it to me or not....

from my perspective i think the people that help others do so because they can and they know how much it sucks not to be able to attain assistance when it is needed. i cant say there is one person that posts on this forum that would not lend a hand to someone in need. we do it because it is the rite thing to do and sometimes because we empathise with others situation. given the fact most of us seldom receive assistance we are more willing to ensure others receive the assistance we think they may need.

[Peace, Love and Pretzels]

Thank you Chris.  After rereading my post I noticed that it looked like I was saying that people ONLY help for that reason of deflection.  I think what I should have said instead is to be careful that you are not deflecting your issues by getting involved in others and helping them 'fix' themselves first. 

I like the idea OMWU, of the positive thought thing.  It is especially important while seeking therapy I think because therapy tends to pull of the 'defectedness' parts of you - and can potentially unbalance you for the duration or a percentage of the duration.  To get ourselves through that process (and heck, life in general) by being able to swing our mindset around is a good thing. 

[onmywayup]

PLP You are so correct people can do this to help not look at one self. I have been guilty of it myself when I was younger. Everybody has a problem but me thinkning. Lol When it was really me with the problem...

Chris how true. We have been thru hell and back no one there for us! We sure know how that feels. I have to say. It is the best feeling in the world when you can help out your humanity some how and spread a smile.I am known for that motto. Spreading smiles. I try to do it at least once a day. It helps with the depression too.

Eventhough there are weeks when I dont want to smile lol

[Conrad]

PLP You are so correct people can do this to help not look at one self. I have been guilty of it myself when I was younger. Everybody has a problem but me thinkning. Lol When it was really me with the problem...

Chris how true. We have been thru hell and back no one there for us! We sure know how that feels. I have to say. It is the best feeling in the world when you can help out your humanity some how and spread a smile.I am known for that motto. Spreading smiles. I try to do it at least once a day. It helps with the depression too.

Eventhough there are weeks when I dont want to smile lol

I think it's even a bit more misdirected that that.

If I find the flaw in others, mine don't look bad.

JD

[chris]

Andi & JD
i guess it is a little bit of both and others issues appear to be easier to fix as we are not emotionally involved.
JD
at the risk of sounding horrible... it is kind of nice when you see someone that is worse off than ones self. especially if the individual has not been through all the ruff times you have been threw. (i hope that didn't sound to bad) 

[chris]

has any one had inter linking flashes? a few times i have gotten flashes about things that where related to different times. nothing bad occurred where i was. i can get brief flashes of people i was friends with or things i was doing or where i was employed at the time and i think maybe it upsets me, but nothing bad occurred at that time. kind of weired.

[Peace, Love and Pretzels]

not sure how I missed this one chris.  Yes, I many times will have flashbacks to a time and place that was GOOD with my ex. To a time that I felt an incredible closeness with someone, or to something as simple as a picture of myself standing somewhere at some point in my history.  I am not sure that they qualify as flashbacks though.  I don't feel the emotional investment in some of them, they are just pictures.  Images.  Whereas a flashback contains an emotional element.  I know though, that once I start to flash I get image after image after image,  It is insane. 

Saturday night flashbacks were insane.  I had no idea that the trigger would have brought those particular images but they were loud and clear and led to a complete and total meltdown.  Thank god I had someone with me who has become very good at knowing what to do.