The ex ex and my son

Okay, I have been battling with my youngest son's wedding arrangements. My ex ex is a monster compared to my ex *and considering my ex's actions that HAS to be bad*. Boy do I know how to pick 'em. Anyways, today was the engagement party. I have been 'down' for 2 weeks now. I just HAD to make it to this and I was very clear with my son - if anyone says one nasty word to me then I will soundly kick their ass in public. I didn't go to my oldest son's wedding or festivities because I knew I would not be supported at all throughout the ordeal by him. My other two sons are different - thank god.

So here is how it went. The martini's have been retired for two weeks.....until today. Filled me up a big one, put on the war paint, blasted the music and got myself into a space. I pictured myself walking into the party with head held high. My intention was to be my normal self - work the room, say hey to everyone (most people already know me there) and pretend like nothing ever happened. So I did. About an hour into it Mike (my ex father in law who is a buffoon) came up to me and said 'Jeez I barely recognized you) referring to the weight I have gained since on meds - and I didn't miss a beat. Asked him how he was, how his business was doing, how his wife was, yadda, yadda, yadda. He followed my lead in the conversation and at the end of it I said 'I am so glad you guys are doing so well - you look great'. In the background, both of my boys and my nephew stood within ear shot. My youngest looked me directly in the eye after a couple minutes of talking to Mike and I nodded my affirmation that all was okay. My middle son's girlfriend came and stood right beside me. I was surrounded by love. That is all I needed. Mike toddled on his way and made a passing comment about his being glad that he came to talk to me and that I wouldn't have spoken to him. I said, no, actually, I just hadn't made it over to you yet and I tried to catch your eye a couple of times but you must have missed it. He slunk off. I got congratulations and kudos from everyone who knew the background noise of the situation. I feaking did it!

I am better than I thought (but definitely not as good as I can be). I am gonna say it. After two weeks down *(completely), feeling like hell, wanting to choke the sh*t out of the guy, I held it together and came out on top.

I freaking rock some days.

Others......
not so much

Hugs all

Andi