Misdis
my eating issues are 2 fold.
1) the constant verbal and emotional abuse from my mother -- you are fat and ugly etc etc
2) from the sex abuse
The first one is mostly pretty much under control ex ept when my self worth is so very low. This happens when I feel victimised by others and/ or when I feel useless guilty. Usually by others that have no care for me or my feelings. These predators hurt me in a huge way and leads to sh or eating issues which I guess is just another way of sh. I feel so crap that even feeding myself seems pointless
so those type if triggers have me self hating not eating.
The second one is more difficult. Because of the sa. I am very very sensitive orally. When I am triggered this way. I can not eat or drink or even put anything in my mouth. Even the closeness of anything to my face causes severe dissociation and very horrid flashbacks.
The second one is more dangerous to me life I guess and is the one I have been working the hardest on. To some success actually. These triggers are now rare while 6 months ago the story was entirely different. Having me hospitalised. And retraumatised.
Wow that seems a distant memory now.
the first is about petting people get to me. To be a le to stop those predators having that control of my self worth. This is very much harder. I am working on this very very hard I will let you know how it goes.
I completly understand what you are saying about food being poisonous and maintaining control over that
makes sense. I also understand your partners frustration at the lack of trust. But it's not that easy is it ?
One thing at a time. I guess in the scheme of things preparing your own food isn't such a huge issue. Other things may be taking priority. Understandably.
Do you have issues with putting food near your mouth/ face. ?
If it helps I can try to explain what I did to combat this issue. ?
Huge hugs
love
miele
