This one is a religious post- warning for those who trigger. on religion

[serenity1953]

I am grateful for this day. I am grateful for what I have learned this day. Hope has more than grown! I am excited in what I have learned about myself, about humanity and about God this day. I see darkness but I know love. He has shown me scriptures that take me to a better understanding of those who know His son and still perpetuate unloving and dark behaviors. They live in His grace and His mercy. I found that in Revelations 2:18-29. They choose how deeply they will know Him. .... and serve Him.  I went to Acts 15:28  and II Timothy 2:18-26 to find confirmation.
There is so much here! Right now I am just so grateful that He showed me this in His Word. It helps alleviate the confusion I have as I have served with those who will speak and do such unloving and even hateful things in the name of "Jesus."  It comes from a place in them that is not healed and does not know Him.  It does not make it OK. The Bible is clear about consequences but they are still covered by His grace and mercy just as I am. The answer is faith, not works.

[serenity1953]

I am still grateful for this understanding.  It sure helps me explain why I can not be at church right now. There is a depth to my pain right now that only God and another that has lived it, and is williing to know thier pain, can understand. Beyond that good meaning people will just cause more harm to me and others. There are those with painful pasts who will not admit them nor their own pain and they speak platitudes that God did not intend. There are others that expect me to be able to minister to their hurts right now. I can not. So they will be hurt if I am there. I have explained that to those in leadership that is was important that I do so. I have responsibilities that I can not fulfill right now.. Maybe in the fall. I do not know now. I am at peace about that now. More freedom to know my anger, release it and give it to God. I do not want the bitterness that I know is there. Time to find it and let it go. Thanks, Lord. Psalm 32:1-7 sure describes it. To be silent about it, "secret things," causes sickness, wasting away, and groaning, and for vitality to be drained. To see, Lord, how your Spirit seeks to find these things with my spirit and greive them with me and sometimes for me is so awesome. I can now more fully understand Romans 8:26 where you tell me that you make intercession for me with the groanings of your Spirit, when I no longer have the words. Thank you, Holy Spirit.

[Bipolarheart]

Maby you see that head knowledge is not the answer but how it effects your heart is key,  some will assert they know God but thier actions show otherwise.  The scripture says "consider the patience as your salvation", for those that keep humble and meek and learn thier lessons thats what it will prove to be, but for others that get misdirected into works of righteousness and mis the details of underved kindness and mercy Jesus says thier "sin remains".  Those that may break thier spirit, so to speak, for learning the spiritual fight against the body and its wills God appreciates, at some point he rebuilds it stronger.

Its nice your using scriptures.  I'm being rather lazy..sorry.  but i don't think your really fishing for a response at any rate.  you say some very thoughful things though.

[serenity1953]

Very wise, BPH. No, not fishing for a response, but very much appreciate your words. Thanks. serenity

[serenity1953]

My goal? To have the closer relationship with You that your Word says I can have. There is even more peace, the knowledge that you have and will continue to create more change in me. Thank you. You help me see that the feelings that i am experiencing are from past circumstances and I do not need them anymore as You show me new ways of coping. Thank you. Yes, there are daily triggers. But You keep reminding me from this place of safety that You have asked me to go to, "Do not receive them, they are no longer necessary. You have other protections now."  Thank you. Lord for your mercy, your grace, your forgiveness and for showing me that you expect me to show myself the same ....... unconditional love. I do love you. I see your hand  of love on my life. love, serenity

[serenity1953]

Pretty frightening right now. I am glad faith does not mean "having the answer."   Right now I have no answers, only fear and questions.

[Apple]

Sending you safety and strength serenity. 

Love

[serenity1953]

Bless you, Miele. Thank you. I "know" where I am at and what is happening. But this part of me, this room, is  very dark and frightening. I remember being here. Thank you for seeing me. love serenity

[serenity1953]

Finding that place of bitterness, Lord. I do not like it here. Need you to do what you have promised, cover this with your grace and your mercy.

[serenity1953]

Thank you. Love it when you bring me to a place with some clarity in it. Still dark clouds but not so close right now. Thank you that you have a path for me to walk on no matter what, even through the fear, anger, bitterness. Whatever it is. Thank you for the special breaks of blue sky in time with friends, special phone calls and family times, however brief. Really looking forward to working through this one and coming out on the other side! I know there will be more to look at, but each victory is awesome. Thanks for this day! Love ya, Lord.

[serenity1953]

Thank you for the encouragement that you have given me already this morning; the persistent but loving reminders, "This way." Need your help as I listen to those healing CD's, Lord. Do not know why I procrastinate on them so much. I know you want them for me. And as I listen to them, there is so much there for me!!  There is something dark behind this. More memories, more pain? Probably. Sitting here I am not afraid of that. But I sure avoid them!  Such awesome patience you have! Thank you.

[serenity1953]

Wow! A lot to "input", Lord. New direction on how to approach the information in the CD's. Back to the first one and incorporate into my journal. That will take it out of head knowledge and helping others more directly into "dealing."  Think that is the problem! It is clear we are to deal with helping others later. Learn how this applies to my life first. No guilt allowed! Thanks for loving me, and for showing me such grace.

[serenity1953]

This is totally amazing! I can not believe all that was packed into this long weekend; hours and hours of family time, typical adult "kid" conflicts, time around "B", plenty of opportunity to say "yes" as well as "no",  and my fluctuating emtions! But.... peace and serenity in my spirit.  Despite any attempts by myself and others, boundaries remain intact! Beyond amazing. What an awesome weekend! Thanks for your Word, thanks for your spirit, thanks for your peace. love you. serenity 

[serenity1953]

Well, here is what you gave me this morning Lord, hours before my first posting here today. Love how you work!!

I love you, Lord. I choose you. I choose the "white water."  Never had an earthly experience of tumbling over the waves and crashing into the rocks as the water swirls me into another eddy and swishes me further down the river in the most exhilerating ride of my life! But I know what it is. That is life with You. In the safest tube, knowing that I am secure in your arms,, and no sharp rock or towering wave can sink me. No matter what. You promised.  I choose white water, Lord. I choose you. I choose life. Thank you. Love you. serenity

Jude 24  "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy."

[serenity1953]

Some hard physical labor coming in now. Please give me strength and stamina to get through this part. love and gratitude, serenity