Kerri

Parenting an adopted son with RAD challenges his father and I to our ends. This is an intelligent boy with good looks and abilities galore. He spends most of his time trying to manipulate adults - his goal is to get something over on them.

We are currently receiving theraplay therapy. Although we have not seen, to this point, a break through, we have seen a small hint of progress as he will let people into his "space" without a passive-agreesive response. It is a start.

We have been journeying with this child since age 5. He is now 13. We suspected RAD from age 7 on. We have only just gotten the official diagnosis in Aug. 2000. Therapists in our county have tried to help, but his needs were beyond their expertise. Many blamed my husband and I for his problems - until they got to know him. Usually until he manipulated them - then they understood and often times sent us onto another person.

Now we are working deligently on getting him the help he needs to break through the wall that exists. He loves anger and does what he can to disrupt our household. But, at times, we can see the true person that is in there and we keep trying to help him overcome all that has happened to cause him to have RAD.

Our other son (his half-brother) showed more signs of RAD at the time of placement then our older son. The foster family had to "brush" him so they could touch him. He truly bonded with us at our first meeting. He now shows no signs of RAD. He is a happy, loving 10 1/2 year old. His brokenness out of the abuse he recieved is educational mental retardation. If you met him you might not even know he has a learning disability. He is being effected by all of this. He is not uneffected by all of this. He tries to play peace-maker in our house. What ever his brother is trying to manipulate - he will, if possible, try to take over and do/undo what his brother has done.

This is a brief (and yes, unemotional) account of our sons. Emotion is a huge part of our lives - depending on my older son's behavior it could be happy or extremely low - ready to throw in the towel due to frustration. We are striving to get him help - we see a wonderful person that is hidden behind the wall of RAD.

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