PMWM

I believe I am the wife of a RAD - anyway to know for sure since he won't get help? He is 41 - German, farm, Catholic, uptight, 2nd born of 5, only 11.5 months younger than his sister, the oldest. Best described as talkative (won't quit), irritating, manipulating, passive-aggressive, self-centered. Shot himself "accidentally" in the hand at about age 18, and parents later committed him (I found out after 6 years of marriage). Was very lonely on the farm, not allowed to be in Scouts, sports or outside activities, no outside interests. Always fought with strict parents over rules & church. Has own business, good technician, can't work for others, customers think he's wonderful. Doesn't think laws apply to him, rebellious. ALWAYS LATE, I sit in the car and wait & sometimes honk. I honk only so neighbors will look and see what is happening, I want his bad side to be seen so people won't think I'm nuts when the divorce that seems the only answer eventually happens, he rarely exhibits his behavior to others. Surprised last week when he let some of his "look at me I don't have to be polite" behaviour go in front of my mother & sister-in-law. He cleared a nasty mess of phlegm out of his throat in front of them, my s-i-law actually said she thought anyone who had been told to stop kept continuing to do what he did. My mother was totally grossed out. He put garlic butter on my sons waffles on his first day of 1st grade, I had to answer the business phone that rings at home. I wondered why my son had such a nasty look on his face & ate nothing. Dad's excuse, "I asked him if he wanted regular or garlic butter." Yea right, a 6-yr-old knows the difference and I'll bet you didn't suggest the garlic would be good. Many other similar things have occurred. I have to get him away from my son who is now 9 - we are both getting worn out. He spends so much energy on plotting his evil. We'd be millionaires if he put so much time into our business. He is punitive, will punish me is I do anything he doesn't like, he has actually admitted when pressed that he had done something because "you did so&so and made me mad." He puts our son in the middle. Does this sound familiar to you? Anything like other stories. HELP IS DESPERATELY NEEDED!