Suzanne, Miniskirt Momma

I'm married with 5 teenagers: 17 and 19 year old bio boys who are in college as of fall 2001. My 13 year old daughter was adopted as a baby and is as well adjusted as a teenager can be! She is half black, half white. I have 14 and 16 year old Hispanic half siblings daughters adopted about 4 years ago. They are modreately rad, per the rad therapist trained in Evergreen, but the older one is currently in a placement because she does her stuff in a BIG way. Deliberately makes crisis situations that endanger both herself and us.

Last fall she got involved with some kids dealing drugs in only ONE period at school. when they realized that she know "all" but didn't want to cut and distribute the quarter million dollar shipment, they were threatening her. (DUH!) Since I work at the alternative school for our district as a special ed counselor with the really disturbed kids, I got a "head's up" from one of my students and got her to a safe place. She is currently in a level one home which we have to pay for because Texas will not pay for "non-therapeutic" care. The caseworkers are being difficult; their own contract RAD therapsit says we are doing the right thing, yet they are complaining that we can't do attachment therapy without the kid in our home. Well, you can't endanger 6 other people, either!

Her latest, at "the cottage" (4 year old 4500 square feet, $400,000 custom home with twelve private bedrooms is nicer than our house!!) was to tell the principal, very loudly, in the cafeteria, in front of everyone, that she had information regarding the arson in the parking lot this morning. Again, the adults must go into protective mode to save her from the thugs. Then she manipulated and lied about another girl at the cottage and got her thrown out.

She is a professional liar, sneak, and manipulator. She has claimed rape, abuse, neglect, etc. She conned a fellow therapist who has known me ten years. (Fortunately, counselor finally saw the real Samantha.) My professional reputation in the school district was in shreds, and she very nearly ruined the reputation of a wonderful young man by accusing him of rape.

Her bio sister regresses whenever Sam is home--quits brushing her teeth, bathing, talking, having an independant opinion, etc. My 13 year old was so traumatized that she was in therapy and on antidepressants. Older sons just quit hanging around the house because their friends were afraid of being accused of something.

Husband "didn't get it." After 20 years, I was ready to leave him because whenever she did her stuff, she was careful to make sure he didn't see it. Post adopt services provided us a contact for a RAD therapsit and insurance/medicaid pays. Without Nancy, RAD therapist who comes to our home once a week, we would be in chaos. As it is, we are "only" in a level 5 tornado at all times. With Nancy's help, we are learning how to weather the storm.

There are differential diagnoses for everyone in the house now. The others are either depressed or suffering PTSD. Everyone (except Sam!) is on psychotropic medication.

My finances are in chaos; I had to quit my job and work part time because it was clear that the girls needed me, and quite frankly, I couldn't stand the stress of this kind of homelife and working full time. I am now looking for full time employment because we are sinking financially.

We used to be a normal home. When I'm not "casemanaging" I enjoy the following: metal art sculpting, painting, writing (recently published for the first time!), reading, and family outings. Every Thursday is family out night; we go to a little Mexican restaurant where they know us so well we don't even bother to order. We connect and have fun. We try to eat dinner every night together because that's very important. Tuesday nights Steve and I have "date night;" we are SUPPOSED to "date," and we aren't supposed to talk about kids, money probs, job disasters, etc. I fear that we don't have much to say sometimes!

To anyone new to this forum, please remember this: I am a psychotherapist who works with emotionally disturbed children, and I can't handle this alone. Get the best RAD therapist you can find. Forget conventional therapy; it only makes it worse. You MUST have a RAD therapist--would you want a country doctor delivering triplets?? You are here; you will find love and support from these parents. There is no judgement, no topic taboo, no snotty remarks about "disciplining that brat." Read everything everyone suggests.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR MARRIAGE--IF IT DOESN'T SURVIVE, THERE IS NO FAMILY. I CAN'T STRESS THAT ENOUGH. Every person on this forum has some unique talent and experience that they will be happy to share. Reach out; we are here for one another. Go to the chat room in the evenings; you will find friends who understand and care.

Once, during the day, I was desperate. I posted to the regular forum and asked SOMEONE to come to "chat forum." By and by I had 7 women nurturing and loving me back into sanity. I will never forget that and try to "pass it on" whenever I can. If you are RAD yourself, come to the adult RAD board. I love the new homeschool spot, though I'd kill mine if I homeschooled! Welcome home.